It's taking a lot of courage for me to write this post as it's very personal but i feel like it's an experience i'd like to share hoping i can help and inspire others...
I know i'm not the only one who's lost a love one or gone through a really tough time at some piont!
Here goes...
I've always felt like i've led an ordinary life. I was just like any other ordinary girl, i graduated from high school in 2008 and didn't do the best i probably could have done and i thought that was it for me but i didn't let that stop me and with the help of my big sister (who's always had her head screwed on), i got into college. Probably the best two years of my life, it was fun and i met some amazing friends! Friends that are still in my life today. Sitting there with my tutor and her assistant, we were discussing extensions for my work, i still didn't think any differently but the truth was that i was struggling and didn't realise why, i just thought i wasn't handling the amount of work very well, i could never concentrate and i was doubting myself as hard as i was trying. In the end, I graduated college with a distinction and two merits! It came as a massive surprise but when i thought back to how hard i'd tried, even if i thought it hadn't tried enough... i proved myself wrong.
So then i got into University... Just locally, i didn't have the confidence to go too far away from home. Our family friend came to visit and it wasn't until our conversation that i realised how well i'd actually done. "You've done so well to get into University, i told my mum and she couldn't believe it after everything you've been going through" At this moment, i had the biggest reality check. In my second year of college, my mum had a battle with mouth Cancer, she had an operation and got the all clear. That's when i realised, i hadn't had it easy, along with the rest of my family and at this moment i felt so proud of myself for pushing myself the way i had, despite the doubt.
First year of University, Mum got cancer again. This time it was terminal. I'm the youngest of four, the only one still living at home, looking after both mum and dad as he'd had a minor stroke. I had both parents in hospital, it was so hard, not just for me but for us all, trying to balance my studies at the same time but i had to be strong for both mum and dad because, them knowing that they were both in hospital, you can imagine how helpless they felt but it couldn't be helped. Luckily, the family pulled together, my family realised i was struggling so i went to live with my Aunt for a month or so, just so i could concentrate on my studies and get them out of the way in time for deadlines. Results came back and id only just passed and got into second year but that was enough for me.
October 2011, Sadly, mum passed away. Dad had his second stroke. It was all so much to handle, it really did hit me hard, i'd been so strong for so long. Seeing my family heart broken and not being able to do anything about it, it's horrible. February came and me and my boyfriend had broken up (on good terms) that was the last straw for me. I broke. I'd been in two relationships since the age of 15, from one straight into another. I had no idea what it was like to be on my own or at least, thats how it felt. After all of this, I'd hit what i thought was rock bottom. Trying to pick myself up, i went partying all the time. I blew all my money and then was i was stressed because i couldn't cope with my bills. I pushed everyone away because all i did was cry and complain but didn't do anything about it. Life really wasn't fair and i was soon diagnosed with depression.
I soon met a friend that was quite supportive, she made sure i didn't mope around feeling sorry for myself, she kept me busy! which helped A LOT. I soon found a job and thought everything was finally looking up. Then i found out i'd failed my second year of University and had to take a year out, which was so hard to come to terms with. I sat myself in a corner, thinking hard about what i had to do, i definitely wanted to go back to University, i knew that. I knew i wanted to make mum proud. My aunt always said, if you believe it, you'll do it. Negative thoughts won't get you anywhere so I sat there and thought about what this year out gives me a chance to do... driving lessons! So i found a second job and worked my socks off.
My new managers were so supportive of me and i got a long with them great. They told me about this book called 'The Secret'. So i bought this book and it's the first book i've ever enjoyed reading! My aunt had previously told me about this book too and that's why she's always so positive! It taught me that no matter how bad life seems or how hard it is, it's definitely not the end of the world and you're thoughts and actions are your future. I knew the last thing mum would have wanted was for me to keeping doubting myself and being so negative, however all this changed! I began to believe in myself. I got promoted and began my training for manager, i became a supervisor in my other job and I passed my driving test, I got my first car, I got back into University, i earned back all the money i had blew partying! It felt amazing. My positive attitude attracted so many positive things into my life, including some of the best people i've ever met and i know my mum would be so proud.
We all go through tough times in our life's, some worse than others. Sometimes it feels like the end of the world and sometimes it feels like you've hit rock bottom. Let me tell you something, It's not the end of the world. You just have to find that urge in yourself to stand up and say 'i can do this'. There's no such thing as impossible! What's the use in moping around feeling sorry for yourself? Even if you have every right too!
I found setting myself goals really helped and if you truly believe in yourself, you'll do it and when you do, it's the best feeling! Which urges you to keep going! Be positive! And if you ever find yourself down in the dumps, don't go listening to sad music that's going to depress you, listen to something upbeat and happy!
Dealing with loss, is never easy. I know quite a lot of people who have lost loved ones so i know i'm not on my own and we all handle it in different ways. All you should know is that their up there watching over you and want you to be happy and make them proud. Do what makes you happy, do something you love in life. Surround yourself with positivity! They're always around. I'm a big believer of angels and spirits as i've had experiences and heard many amazing stories.
Im now 22 years old, independant i'm in my third year of University. (after re-sitting my second year) Im more than excited for the future ahead of me. I feel like this is only the beginning. I'm not sure what i'm going to be doing in the future, but its about taking small steps forward. I have the most strongest, loving family who i love dearly and amazing friends and if it wasn't for these people, i wouldn't be where i am today! I can't stress how much i appreciate the love and support i've been given. Me and my family have been through a big journey and it hasn't been easy, but we're all so happy now, we've supported each other non stop and we're all doing so well. I feel so lucky to have them in my life.
Now, i want to help others believe in themselves!
If you haven't already, make sure the first thing you do tomorrow, is go buy 'The Secret'. I promise you won't regret it!
If you're local to me, it's in stock at a shop called 'An angel beside you' In South Elmsall near asda :-)
'As The Secret has swept the world and touched millions of lives, we have received so many stories of lives being transformed into joy.' http://thesecret.tv/living.html
Feel free to email me at Darylivyana@outlook.com for any advice!
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