Finally, that confidence boost

I cannot believe that it has almost been a year since i wrote my last blog post. A lot has happened during this time, it has been quite eventful indeed...

Yesterday, i attended a family wedding, surrounded by loving family and friends, in which i had some interesting discussions with some very interesting people (along with lots of drinking, dancing and very bad singing), which led me to feeling extremely inspired again. I have also received multiple comments about how i should start blog writing again, and here i am.

So, let me fill you in about what has been happening...

First of all, i do not want to bore you, so i'll not go into every little detail. Here we go... I feel like i am at that age (24) where you learn some of the most important lessons in your life. This last year has been somewhat of a roller coaster. I have learnt a lot about myself and others. I have come to discover how much of a sensitive person i am, and although i don't like to admit it, i have sadly allowed people to criticise, degrade and intimidate me (not cool). I have also learnt that i do not take things with a pinch of salt, i take everything to heart and this has recently led me to lose a lot of self confidence.

However, only i can change this. So far, i have learnt to walk away from all the negativity and learnt to do what's best for me and actually do what makes me happy, and not others. I noticed i was feeling very uncomfortable around a lot of people because i was trying to be someone i wasn't... i constantly worry about what people think... This has to stop, it's exhausting.

I'm sharing this with you because i know i am not alone and i just want you to know that it's so important to be yourself, people should want to accept you for who you are. One of the worst feelings is feeling like you're misunderstood. You have to remember, people lead very different life's, we've all walked in different shoes. To try and understand what someone else is or going through, isn't easy and some people are not willing to to even try or  they think they know, but they just don't. But, nobody is perfect. Everyone has their weaknesses and everyone has their strengths. At the end of the day, we are all human but constantly trying to please everyone else is so unhealthy for you. Since i realised all of this and actually started doing something about it, like putting myself first for once, worrying less and just going with the flow, i literally feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

It is also important to know who to confide in, which is those who believe in you, who push you to do well (as daunting as that is sometimes). Like i said, it has been a roller coaster, the only thing that has kept me strong throughout my recent struggle, has been surrounding myself with amazing friends and family. I have been to three amazing weddings, three of the most fun hen party's, birthdays, festivals, etc, etc.... it has been a fantastic summer.

I have now got myself a new lovely job and i have also took it upon myself to go back to college to study GCSE English again. English has been one of my weak points,  however, im determined to do what i need to do in order to help myself with my future and my self confidence. So far it's going great and i am really enjoying it. There is still a long way to go, but i feel like i have come a long way and i know there are a lot of people out there who care and want to help me, which makes me very happy.

I might have taken a step back, but sometimes you have to take a step back to take 10 steps forward.

Onwards and Upwards!

My story and The Secret

It's taking a lot of courage for me to write this post as it's very personal but i feel like it's an experience i'd like to share hoping i can help and inspire others... I know i'm not the only one who's lost a love one or gone through a really tough time at some piont!

Here goes... 

I've always felt like i've led an ordinary life. I was just like any other ordinary girl, i graduated from high school in 2008 and didn't do the best i probably could have done and i thought that was it for me but i didn't let that stop me and with the help of my big sister (who's always had her head screwed on), i got into college. Probably the best two years of my life, it was fun and i met some amazing friends! Friends that are still in my life today. Sitting there with my tutor and her assistant, we were discussing extensions for my work, i still didn't think any differently but the truth was that i was struggling and didn't realise why, i just thought i wasn't handling the amount of work very well, i could never concentrate and i was doubting myself as hard as i was trying. In the end, I graduated college with a distinction and two merits! It came as a massive surprise but when i thought back to how hard i'd tried, even if i thought it hadn't tried enough... i proved myself wrong. 

So then i got into University... Just locally, i didn't have the confidence to go too far away from home. Our family friend came to visit and it wasn't until our conversation that i realised how well i'd actually done. "You've done so well to get into University, i told my mum and she couldn't believe it after everything you've been going through" At this moment, i had the biggest reality check. In my second year of college, my mum had a battle with mouth Cancer, she had an operation and got the all clear. That's when i realised, i hadn't had it easy, along with the rest of my family and at this moment i felt so proud of myself for pushing myself the way i had, despite the doubt. 

First year of University, Mum got cancer again. This time it was terminal. I'm the youngest of four, the only one still living at home, looking after both mum and dad as he'd had a minor stroke. I had both parents in hospital, it was so hard, not just for me but for us all, trying to balance my studies at the same time but i had to be strong for both mum and dad because, them knowing that they were both in hospital, you can imagine how helpless they felt but it couldn't be helped. Luckily, the family pulled together, my family realised i was struggling so i went to live with my Aunt for a month or so, just so i could concentrate on my studies and get them out of the way in time for deadlines. Results came back and id only just passed and got into second year but that was enough for me.

October 2011, Sadly, mum passed away. Dad had his second stroke. It was all so much to handle, it really did hit me hard, i'd been so strong for so long. Seeing my family heart broken and not being able to do anything about it, it's horrible. February came and me and my boyfriend had broken up (on good terms) that was the last straw for me. I broke. I'd been in two relationships since the age of 15, from one straight into another. I had no idea what it was like to be on my own or at least, thats how it felt. After all of this, I'd hit what i thought was rock bottom. Trying to pick myself up, i went partying all the time. I blew all my money and then was i was stressed because i couldn't cope with my bills. I pushed everyone away because all i did was cry and complain but didn't do anything about it. Life really wasn't fair and i was soon diagnosed with depression.

I soon met a friend that was quite supportive, she made sure i didn't mope around feeling sorry for myself, she kept me busy! which helped A LOT. I soon found a job and thought everything was finally looking up. Then i found out i'd failed my second year of University and had to take a year out, which was so hard to come to terms with. I sat myself in a corner, thinking hard about what i had to do, i definitely wanted to go back to University, i knew that. I knew i wanted to make mum proud. My aunt always said, if you believe it, you'll do it.  Negative thoughts won't get you anywhere so I sat there and thought about what this year out gives me a chance to do... driving lessons! So i found a second job and worked my socks off. 

My new managers were so supportive of me and i got a long with them great. They told me about this book called 'The Secret'.  So i bought this book and it's the first book i've ever enjoyed reading! My aunt had previously told me about this book too and that's why she's always so positive! It taught me that no matter how bad life seems or how hard it is, it's definitely not the end of the world and you're thoughts and actions are your future. I knew the last thing mum would have wanted was for me to keeping doubting myself and being so negative, however all this changed! I began to believe in myself. I got promoted and began my training for manager, i became a supervisor in my other job and I passed my driving test, I got my first car, I got back into University, i earned back all the money i had blew partying! It felt amazing. My positive attitude attracted so many positive things into my life, including some of the best people i've ever met and i know my mum would be so proud.

We all go through tough times in our life's, some worse than others. Sometimes it feels like the end of the world and sometimes it feels like you've hit rock bottom. Let me tell you something, It's not the end of the world. You just have to find that urge in yourself to stand up and say 'i can do this'. There's no such thing as impossible! What's the use in moping around feeling sorry for yourself? Even if you have every right too!

I found setting myself goals really helped and if you truly believe in yourself, you'll do it and when you do, it's the best feeling! Which urges you to keep going! Be positive! And if you ever find yourself down in the dumps, don't go listening to sad music that's going to depress you, listen to something upbeat and happy!

Dealing with loss, is never easy. I know quite a lot of people who have lost loved ones so i know i'm not on my own and we all handle it in different ways. All you should know is that their up there watching over you and want you to be happy and make them proud. Do what makes you happy, do something you love in life. Surround yourself with positivity! They're always around. I'm a big believer of angels and spirits as i've had experiences and heard many amazing stories.

Im now 22 years old, independant i'm in my third year of University. (after re-sitting my second year) Im more than excited for the future ahead of me. I feel like this is only the beginning. I'm not sure what i'm going to be doing in the future, but its about taking small steps forward. I have the most strongest, loving family who i love dearly and amazing friends and if it wasn't for these people, i wouldn't be where i am today! I can't stress how much i appreciate the love and support i've been given. Me and my family have been through a big journey and it hasn't been easy, but we're all so happy now, we've supported each other non stop and we're all doing so well. I feel so lucky to have them in my life.

Now, i want to help others believe in themselves!
If you haven't already, make sure the first thing you do tomorrow, is go buy 'The Secret'. I promise you won't regret it!

If you're local to me, it's in stock at a shop called 'An angel beside you' In South Elmsall near asda :-)

'As The Secret has swept the world and touched millions of lives, we have received so many stories of lives being transformed into joy.' http://thesecret.tv/living.html 

Feel free to email me at Darylivyana@outlook.com for any advice! 

Too much excitement!

Hey folks! I must apologise as it's been a while, but as you know i'm in my third year at University and there's a lot to handle! On this note, i've recently handed my notice in at work so i can concentrate more on my studies. Hashtag GEEK. ;-)

A little of what i've been up to? My brother previously got married and i have the best sister-in-law i can ask for. No really, she's ace! We all had a lovely day, surrounded by family and friends. It was really nice and i cried a lot... my sister-in-law looked absolutely stunning, especially when she walked in wearing the most beautiful dress. Her and my brother are just adorable, he twirled her around as they did a little dance down the isle! I cried throughout the whole thing... I'd like to think i'll get married one day and be that cute with someone. My brother reckons it'll be to someone Irish... (Some of my close friends here at Uni are Irish) while i just think i'll turn out to be some sort of crazy cat lady! Hm...

Anyway, It's coming to the end of the academic year (way too fast for my liking) and there's a lot to be cracking on with and this is where i start to panic... pretty sure it isn't just me!? right? There's quite a lot of exciting thing's going at the minute. As some of you know, i've been working on my 'Final Major Project' designing and making a collection and it's going very well.

Last night, i threw some quick drawings together of my Collection, these are not the final drawings... i was just curious to what they would look like together.

I've always had a big interest in the 1960's and the Shift dress, so i can used that shape in two of my collections, then inspired by designer Kate Spade with the colours and patterns. Followed by two playsuits. 

Here are three of them, almost finished. I just have to put the zips in and sew hemlines with one more design in progress, starting off with a toile of course.

And the last one in working progress...

It's such a good feeling to know that i'm nearly finished. Not only that, one of my best friends is currently working on a new look for my brand and logo 'Ivyana' 

EXCITING!!!!!

Follow me on Instagram for more work and designs.

                                                    #Ivyanafashion #Ivyana

https://instagram.com/missdarylivyana/

A little of what i've been upto...

 Big news readers, I spent my morning with my three week old Niece! Yes, that's right, i finally have a niece! And she's absolutely beautiful...

I also went to work today dressed as Pooh Bear! For boxing day, we do pyjama day every year, it's simply a schuh tradition! 

We previously had our work night out too! Which was a really fun night, got quite merry, had a laugh and took selfies, as you do! (although standing in the taxi queue for 45 minutes in the ice cold weather was simply not fun)

And our Schuh dress up day! Preparation...

I attempted to be a 'Pink Lady' 

Happy Halloween!!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE! 

So, for halloween i didn't do a great deal, tonight on halloween i've been sat at my brothers watching films such as Splash (i was named after Daryl Hannah... the mermaid!) Maleficent with Angelina Joelie, which was a really good film too!  whilst sat with his lovely fiancé feeling her stomach whilst my baby niece was kicking away! It was incredible! 

We had a halloween party last Friday at our Student bar at High melton university centre in which i dressed up as a... Murdered cheer leader? Not looking very dead, i know!

In all fairness though, both of my Aunts and my sister thought i had been attacked as it looks like I'm crying... which i was! My make up was running into in my eye and making it water, so i took a picture to get a real effect! ;-) My auntie said it looks like an Ad for being abused!